So long but finally

After such a long time I am finally writing again. I guess 3 years is not so long to begin to gain equilibrium after the loss of someone very close.

After James died, it was possible to function but not actually flourish or feel properly. I did a lot of things, travelling, exhibitions but I didn’t really feel any of them. I was operating on a very basic level of surviving, responding, doing but really not coming from a place of feeling.

So above is memory of James and under it a recent visit to 1066 cafe. The blossom is on the trees, sun shining, and I sat having brunch in the sunlight surrounded by one of my tribes, the biker people. Men and women who ride motorbikes.

I am alive, the world is still turning, I am out of therapy, I’ve travelled thousands of miles since that awful day and I have born my grief the best I can. I have new friends, deeper relationships with the long standing ones, I am living. And finally I’m writing again. Working on a memoir with the emphasis on biking. Meeting some writers once a week, being nudged along by a teacher.

Most importantly I am feeling again, not powered by anger or sadness of loss. Of course it is always there but mostly my life has expanded so that it is vibrant and the loss is less so.

On we go.